


Distance

by Ballycastle_Bat



Category: Glee
Genre: Acephobia, Alive Finn Hudson, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arguing, Asexual Marley Rose, Awesome Burt Hummel, Blaine Anderson & Sam Evans Friendship, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Finn Hudson Lives, Finn-centric, Minor Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Minor Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Multi, Not Rachel Friendly, Past Blaine Anderson/David Karofsky, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Relationships, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, abuse recovery, homophobic parents, partially canon compliant, the slowest burn. If you came for Kinn it'll be a while
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-05-26 10:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14998571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ballycastle_Bat/pseuds/Ballycastle_Bat
Summary: To say that Rachel and Finn had an unhealthy relationship was an understatement. However, Finn was too stubborn to admit that this wasn't what he wanted. He finally allowed himself to believe he deserved better, however it seems to be too late as he's too depressed to even get out of bed most days. He isn't himself anymore and it shows. His friends attempt to help him through this messy time.





	Distance

**Author's Note:**

> So I uploaded this before but I'm re-doing it, I was still extreemely new to this site and to uplodding fan fiction in general. I started this fic a little bit before the last season aired I think? I honestly can't remember but this fic is several years in the making. I'm pretty sure it was 2014 though. So it is finished and I hope to be able to upload a chapter a week.
> 
> It's sort of a personal project. I started writing this while I was in an abusive relationship that eventually turned mutually toxic (I began to lash out). Most of the relationships in my life at the time of me starting this were abusive, so this fic is me venting that. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy and please heed the warnings in the tags.

The sound of the afternoon rain pattered against the windows, the only light in the room came from the illuminated numbers on the small alarm clock at Finn’s bedside. He slept soundly, face down on his bed. One hand hung off the side of the bed as a bit of drool soaked the pillow beneath him. After a moment his eyes fluttered open as his phone started to ring, a loud obnoxious ringtone that he'd been meaning to change for months but had just never had the energy to. He quickly lifted it up and struggled to find the answer button in his sleepy stupor.  
  
“Hello?” he mumbled tiredly into the phone.  
  
“Finn? It's Quinn.”  
  
“Hi, hello? Quinn? Quinn! how are you?” he asked, sitting up straighter and rubbing his face in an attempt to push away the tiredness.  
  
“I'm fine.”  
  
“How about you? Were you asleep?” she asked casually, but there was slight concern colouring her tone, worried she’d bothered him while he was sick. Finn’s eyes winded and he looked around the room, he looked to the window, it was hard to tell the time with how cloudy and rainy it was. He grabbed his alarm clock and pulled it closer to his face. It was three in the afternoon.  
  
“No, no of course not… I'm tired because of the rain… I'm on break at work,” he told her confidently, but she didn't buy it. She knew Finn. On the other end of the phone Quinn’s brows furrowed and she ran a finger around her baby bump absentmindedly. It wasn't unusual for Finn to sleep late, as he worked late mornings at a local tire shop, but this was a bit unexpected.  
  
“Sure you were,” she replied carefully, letting her tone shine through and let him know that she wasn't buying it. She wanted to ask why he felt the need to lie to her, but that wasn't her priority right now. “I wanted to call you because I'm going in for my c-section on the 11th of November, and Puck isn't going to say anything but we’d like you to be there when the baby is born. I know it's a little out of the way… but if you can find the time-” she started but he cut her off.  
  
"Yeah I'll be there, it isn't a problem, I just have to move my schedule around,” he assured her. Though he knew he was lying, half lying anyways. In the recent months he'd managed to do nothing besides seep further into turmoil.  
  
The last thing he wanted was for his close friends to see him in his current state, he was dejected at best and miserable at worst, but he also could not let them down. “When should I get there?” he sat up from where he laid in his bed, he and Rachel hadn't slept in the same bed since May, he thought of this as he watched the snow fall outside the window and the loneliness began to set in again. He shook his head almost as if to dislodge his negative thoughts. “When should I get there?” he asked.  
  
“Well, if you could be here by Monday the twenty-eighth that's the safest bet,” Quinn suggested.  
  
“I'll be there Monday,” he said and they got off the phone. He still had about a week but he needed something to do.  
  
Quinn put down the phone.  
  
“Noah?” she called. Her common-law husband, Puck, knew his legal name meant ‘now’ so quickly dropped what he was doing, fixing the T.V. remote and headed into the back room where Quinn was sat on the sofa.  
  
“What's up? You feeling alright?”  
  
The blonde haired girl looked up at him with that glint in her eyes that she always got when she knew something.  
  
“I just got off the phone with Finn. He was asleep, my call woke him up… that's really unusual for him. Then he lied to me about it,” she said, her tone concerned. “Do you think he's alright?” she wondered out loud more than she was actually asking him. Puck came and sat beside her, shrugging and placing his arm across the back of the sofa.  
  
“Well, I mean. The guy is out of work,” he said casually. “Jobs are hard to come by, I'm not surprised at all that he's sleeping,”  
  
Quinn stared at him.  
  
“Hold on, he's not working?”  
  
“No… he got fired,” he yawned. “I thought you knew,” he added in an attempt to save himself from a Hormonal-Quinn fury.  
  
“When was this?” as she spoke, Puck shuffled uncomfortably.  
  
“About a month ago.”  
  
“A month? And how long have you known?” she asked, a hard stare boring into the man beside her.  
  
“Since it happened.”  
  
“Oh, hell no,” she said, standing up and trudging to her room.  
  
“Quinn… What are you doing?” Puck asked seriously as he followed her. She marched into the bedroom and started packing a duffel bag with his things.  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked, grabbing the duffel bag.  
  
“If you and Finn want to be in Cahoots and keep things from me, that's fine. But you can sleep at Jarred’s tonight.”  
  
“What?” his eyebrows raising as he spoke. “Why?” he demanded.  
  
“After all the shit in high school we agreed that we wouldn't keep secrets and I honestly don't want to look at you right now, go,” she snapped. Tears started to spill over her cheeks and Puck put down the duffel bag and hugged her tightly.  
  
“Hey it's okay,” he said softly. “I'm sure he just didn't want you to worry,” he tried to assure her, but wasn't really sure what to say. He was never great with words.  
  
“I'm sorry. I don't want to be Crazy Quinn again,” she murmured into his chest. “You're not being Crazy Quinn. Finn just didn't want you to worry about him,” he noted. “You know he likes to do things on his own,” he tried to assure her.  
  
“Ugh it's these hormones… sorry,” she sighed.

* * *

Back at Finn’s place Rachel entered the room and leaned on the door frame.

  
“Where are you going?” she asked, before sipping the mug of tea in her hands. She thought she would try talking to him again, as she was worried about his seclusion.  
  
“I'm going to go to Virginia.“  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Puck wants me there when his baby is born,” -he closed up his suitcase- “They want me there by the twenty-third, don't really know how long I'll be though,” he noted.  
  
“Oh, I'm going too,” she played with the Finn necklace around her neck. “Flying,” she explained. “A few weeks after the baby is born,” she added.  
  
“Have a safe flight, I'm just going to drive,” he replied in a disinterested tone, zipping his bag shut.  
  
A week later when Finn’s car was packed up with his suitcase as well as shopping bags of food, mostly junk food like slim jims and funions for the drive. Rachel walked him out. He reached out and hugged her.  
  
“Have a safe flight, Rachel,” he said plainly. This was the extent of their interactions, besides casual greetings throughout this timeframe. They hadn't really talked in weeks. Months even, with Finn in his silent funk she couldn't really get any interaction out of him.  
  
“Drive safe,” she replied and Finn got in his car and drove off.  
  
Finn had always liked driving, it gave him a chance to clear his head. Nothing to worry about besides himself and the open road. He had finally gotten over the mailman incident.  
  
The drive took about five hours, though he wasn't keeping track, he didn't stop except to use the bathroom. He just drove through the morning and into the afternoon.  
  
When he pulled into the driveway he quickly flipped down the car visor to look at himself in the mirror and started to push his hair around a bit and made sure that the dark circles under his eyes weren't too noticeable.  
  
He then took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, making his way up the walkway he tried to act normal. He pulled pulled the strap on his bag anxiously as he knocked on the door with his free hand. He didn't want his friends to know that anything was even slightly amiss. He was the quarterback, it was his job to hold everyone together. Not the other way around.  
  
After a moment Puck answered the door. His hair had grown out a bit since Finn had last seen him and he no longer had a mohawk. Finn smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Puck stared at him for a moment and he didn't know what to think.  
  
This person standing on his porch… It didn't look like his best friend. The happy, outgoing, fairly confidant quirky Finn had gone, and in front of Puck stood a man with dark circles under his eyes and no smile. He gave off a completely different energy.  
  
“Hey Finn!” Puck said and hugged him. Finn hugged him back.  
  
“Hey, Puck. Where's Quinn?” he asked casually.  
  
“Oh she's around, I think she's taking a nap,” he said casually. As he spoke Quinn entered the room.  
  
“I always love it when my favourite boys are all in one room,” she noted and hugged Finn who hugged her back, being careful of her large baby bump. It had taken a long time, but Quinn had worked through her issues and it enable her and Finn to become close again.  
  
“How are you?” She asked.  
  
“I'm fine,” he replied, but didn't look her in the eye. “But how are you? You times two,” he laughed a little.  
  
“He hasn't stopped moving all day,” she chuckled. “Want to feel? He's probably excited his uncle is here,” she asked. 

Finn I “You know, I don't really know anything about babies and I don't wanna hurt him,” He admitted sheepishly.

Quinn laughed out loud. “Oh my god Puck said the same thing a few months ago,” She replied with humor. “You're not going to hurt him,” she said and took Finn's hand, gently placing it on her baby bump.  
  
Finn felt movement against his hand and he smiled a little.  
  
“Hi, Markus,” he said but then pulled his hand back. Quinn wanted to say something. Puck wanted to say something. However, they had no idea what to say. What could they say? ‘ _you look like shit_ ’? Certainly not. They also couldn't risk him getting defensive and locking up.  
  
As the visit went on it become more and more clear that Finn wasn't okay. There was something deeply wrong. Quinn silently hoped that he might open up to them as the visit went on.  
  
He didn't.

* * *

On the fifth day Finn and Puck were out behind the house. Recently Puck had scored a seventy-six mustang off of a local junkyard and he and Finn were working under the hood.  
  
“So, Finn,” Puck started. Finn didn't look up from the carburetor he was tightening into place.  
  
He simply made a sound indicating he was listening.  
  
“I wanted to ask you a question,” he said casually. “It's stupid really,” he continued to look at something else under the hood. “Quinn and I were wondering if you would be the baby’s godfather.” He said. Finn stopped and looked over at his best friend.  
  
“Uhm,” he said, surprised. “Not that I'm not honored and everything … but… don't I have to be Jewish for that?” he asked. Puck laughed a bit and wiped his hands on a grease rag.  
  
“Well, no. Jews don’t do baptism this we’re doing it at Quinn’s church. Now-a-days I don't think religion is a huge part of it anyways … I mean … it is … but I just mean at most you should probably wear a yamaka when we bring him in the temple,” he explained. “but for the  it's mainly about if anything happens to me or Quinn… We’d kinda like you to be the one to make sure he's alright.”  
  
Finn nodded. “Oh… Then yes, I would be honored.” he replied, smiling. Puck just nodded and worked noted tightening a bolt on the car. They weren't really ones to dwell on sentimental stuff together.  
  
It was around noon Saturday when Quinn went in for her c-section and Markus Puckerman-Fabray was brought into the world.  
  
Finn stuck around until Quinn and the baby were discharged but at the house Finn was getting ready to leave. Puck and Quinn were speaking quietly in the other room.  
  
“ We should try to convince him to stay a few more days,” Puck noted. “Ashlyn was talking to me about depression, and I think Finn is really depressed.”  
  
Quinn frowned and headed over to the crib to check on the baby.  
  
“I don't think he would listen to us if he tried,” She said with a sigh.  
  
“You're right,” he's too stubborn,” Puck replied and headed out to the other room where Finn was.  
  
“That's for coming out here, man. Are you sure you can't stay a few more days?” He asked.

Finn shrugged in responce. “I should really get back home…” he said simply, but the phrase felt a bit empty to him. The only home he could really picture involved his family. When Finn thought of home, he didn't think of the old loney apartment with his girlfriend who slept in the extra bedroom. He thought of Friday night dinners and late night talks with Kurt over glasses of warm milk.  
  
When he carried his bag out, Puck followed him with his hands in his pockets, unsure of what else to say. He wanted to insist his friend stay a few more days, between the hours Finn spent spaced out in the guest room he seemed happy about helping with Markus. Puck remembered Finn singing an old rock song to the baby to help him sleep.  
  
“Thank you though, I'm glad I could be there.”

With that, his friends watched him leave.  
  
On the way back Finn began thinking about his life, where he stood. He felt like he was drowning, some days he felt nothing but a deep throbbing hole in his chest, others he felt almost nothing. He preferred the days where he felt nothing. He bounced around ideas in his head for what could possibly be wrong. This wasn't like high school where he was struggling to figure out who he was, this was worse.

* * *

A few days after Finn left Puck called though to Quinn.

  
“Do you have Kurt or Blaine’s phone number? I don't have it now that I upgraded my phone…” he trailed off.  
  
Quinn sighed and ran a hand through her hair.  
  
“I'm kinda busy right now. Can't you just Facebook them?” She asked.  
  
“I haven't logged into Facebook in like six months,” he noted.  
  
“Ugh, my cell is in the kitchen just use it to call them,” She replied. Puck headed into the kitchen and got Quinn’s phone off the counter. He quickly located Kurt’s number and called it.  
  
Kurt was applying one of his new face masks, it was tinted bright blue and was meant to harden and peel off, taking dirt and oils with it. It also had a soft fresh scent. Fully organic, of course.  
  
His phone started to ring and he glanced at it and frowned. He answered it on the fourth ring, contemplating on letting it ring out, but decided against it.  
  
“Hello, Kurt Hummel speaking,” He said, inspecting the mask in the mirror as he spoke.  
  
Puck hesitated before speaking.  
  
“Hey… It's Puck,” he said after a moment.  
  
“Hello, Noah,” he said, a little surprised as he finished applying the mask around his eyes and began to fill in the gaps. The last time the two men had spoken was probably Puck’s Birthday. “Do you need something?” He asked.  
  
“When are you and Blaine coming up to see Markus?” he asked.  
  
“Oh,” he said, remembering his plans. He'd been a bit distracted by his fights with Blaine. “I was thinking I would head up next weekend. Does that work for you?” he checked the calendar as he spoke, putting Puck on speaker.  
  
“That works fine for us, as long as it's before Christmas,” Puck replied. “December is going to be a really crazy month for Quinn and I,” Kurt nodded as he headed into the living room.  
  
“Oh of course, Christmas is going to be crazy for us this year too, we’re having a gay Christmas party at the house,” Kurt said.  
  
“A what?” Puck replied confused.  
  
“We’re hosting a Christmas party for the LGBT people in the area who can't spend Christmas with their own family.” He explained casually. “So, we’ll see you next weekend?” he smiled.  
  
“Yup, that sounds perfect,” he replied and hung up the phone.  
  
Kurt applied a ribbon of toothpaste to his toothbrush and began to brush as he headed out of the bathroom into the living room.  
  
“Hey, Blaine--” he started, when his partner looked up at him be was cut off.  
  
“Blue is definitely your colour.”

Kurt glared then rolled his eyes. He was glad that they were having a positive chat though.  
  
“We’re going to see the baby next weekend,” he noted. Blaine nodded and stood, yawning a bit.  
  
“Sounds good,” he replied. “Oh, Dave’s husband said he made something for the baby,” he said, remembering.  
  
“Oh, when did you talk to David?” Kurt asked curiously. “I-” Blaine cut him off.  
  
“What does it matter?” He asked defensively.  
  
“It doesn't, I just had something to give him,” he replied crossing his arms. “I don't care who you talk to,” he went on.  
  
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “He’s coming to the Christmas party.”  
  
“Did you take out the trash?” Kurt asked his boyfriend, hoping that the answer will be 'yes’ this time.  
  
“Oh,” he hissed. “I forgot,” he admitted. “Sorry,” he added. Kurt stomped his foot dramatically.  
  
“I don't understand what's so hard about it. Why couldn’t you take it out?” he asked.  
  
“I forgot, okay?” Blaine replied with a slight tone.  
  
“I don't understand. It's really not that hard. What were you doing all week?” He asked.  
  
“I need you to lay off me,” Blaine replied. “It’s not a big deal,” he insisted.  
  
“It is though!” Kurt was exasperated “Because now we have this week's and last week's trash piled up,” he explained.  
  
“Chill out dude,” he replied.  
  
“What did you do all day yesterday?” He asked. “This is the only thing I asked you to do,” he complained.  
  
“Why are you getting so angry?” Blaine demanded.  
  
“Because this isn’t just the trash,” he started. “It’s how you never do anything I ask you to do. Christmas cards were late last year,” he sighed. He didn't understand why they were doing this. For the last year they were trying to pick up where they left off. When they called off the engagement they thought that was it, but when they ran into each other by chance in a random New York Coffee shop they decided to give it another go. Kurt could see that it wasn't working out but he was struggling to come to terms with the fact that Blaine might not be his forever. Maybe they were meant to leave things the way they were.  
  
“I'm sorry.” Kurt said after a second, calming himself. “I shouldn't have yelled at you,” he stated with a sigh. He ducked back into the bathroom and finished brushing his teeth.  
  
When he came back out Blaine had calmed down as well and was browsing Facebook on his phone. Kurt came and sat down beside him, leaning his head on his shoulder. Blaine wrapped an arm around Kurt without a second thought.

* * *

Later, Kurt and Blaine were in the bedroom packing their bags for the big trip, deciding on outfits when Blaine’s cell phone started to ring. Kurt grabbed it as his boyfriend’s hands were full with, Blaine didn't mind when Kurt answered his phone.

“Hello, Blaine’s phone this is Kurt!” He greeted in a pleasant, upbeat tone.

“Um. Hello. Where’s Blaine?” An unfamiliar, at least to Kurt, voice asked. The unidentified man sounded surprised.

“His hands are full, can I ask who's calling? I'll have him call you back in a second.” Kurt offered as Blaine returned with a box in his hands and mouthed ‘who is it’

“This is his father,” The voice replied Kurt paused. It was no secret that Blaine and his father had a strained relationship. His father was a very distant man, Kurt could only recall ever meeting him twice. Once at a Dalton event, and once when Kurt had dinner with their family. Blaine’s father was very… serious, Kurt thought was an acceptable word. He was strong and silent. He was a man of few words, and even fewer actions. Kurt remembered spending the entire night talking to Blaine’s mother about the house and her collection of antiques.

The Anderson’s weren’t exactly ‘old money’ rich but they were more well off than Kurt’s family was and his mother had a love of antiques. Kurt marveled over her collection and talked with her often, but he admittedly didn't know anything about Blaine’s father apart from the fact that he and Blaine’s interaction was usually limited to birthdays and holiday calls. He briefly recalled the story from Blaine’s youth where his father had hoped to make him straight by partaking in stereotypical ‘male’ activities. The first few years Kurt and blaine lived together before their last breakup he often sent gifts for the house during Christmas time but it was usually addressed to Blaine and his “roomate”. Kurt, knowing his dad wasn't exactly pro-gay, had never caused a scene over it, but made sure to send thank you notes back.

“Oh, hello Mr. Anderson,” He greeted him. Blaine paled visibly and set the box down and took the phone.

“Hey dad,” he answered. “Oh yes… that was Kurt… Why is he here?” he repeated a question Kurt couldn't hear. “You remember Quinn and Puck, right?” he asked his father. “Yes… the delinquent and the pregnant girl…” he confirmed with visible discomfort. “Anyways, they got married after school and just had a child together the New Directions are all taking turns going up to - yes he cleaned up his act, he's a military man,” Blaine seemed uncomfortable with the conversation. “You're what?” he asked. “Of course that's fine,” he noted. “I’ll be gone this weekend but we could get together sometime after.” They finished up their call and Blaine hung up.

“Blaine Anderson! We moved in together in February,” he noted. “Why does your father seem so surprised?” he asked. Blaine smiled awkwardly.

“Well, you see,” he stated. “My father doesn't exactly know we’re back together,” Blaine explained, running a hand through his natural hair. He hadn't put in gel because he wasn't going anywhere so it was all over the place.

“I'm Facebook friends with your mother, she knows we’re together,”  he noted. “So you're having your mother lie for you?” he asked. Soon their conversation escalated into a full blown argument that ended with Blaine disappearing out the front door.

  
Kurt immediately called the only person he felt like could improve the situation. He pulled out his own cell phone and dialed Finn’s phone number, holding the phone to his ear. He hoped that Finn would answer this time. When he didn't, Kurt went into his room and tossed his phone on the bed to get his mind off it.

* * *

Back in New York, Finn just stared at his phone on the table. A selfie of himself Kurt in their Gaga outfits from what felt like a lifetime ago appeared on the screen. He just kind of stared at it for a moment before he reached forward and muted the call, turning the phone face down.

  
“You're not going to answer that?” Rachel asked before taking a bite of her salad. “And are you going to eat?” She asked. Finn looked down at the carefully prepared chicken salad in front of him.  
  
This was probably the only thing he didn't mind Rachel being in control of. If it wasn't for Rachel’s excessive meal planning, which she insisted was to keep herself at a constant weight, Finn would probably live off of Doritos and Slim Jims. Finn wasn't sixteen anymore. His twenty-Five year old body wouldn't run on Funyuns and redbull, as much as he wished it would.  
  
“No,” He shook his head. She picked up his phone.  
  
“Can I take this?” She asked. Finn could only think of one other time where she had asked to see his phone, so he didn't mind. He just nodded and picked at the chicken in his salad.  
  
“You have forty missed calls from your brother!” she said in surprise. She touched the icon to re-dial Kurt.  
  
Back in Lima the superman theme began to echo through the house. Kurt set the pan back on the stove and rushed back to his bedroom, answering the phone.  
  
“You better have a good excuse lined up, Finn Hudson!” he said seriously as he went back to the kitchen, cracking an egg into it, holding the phone between his shoulder and ear.  
  
“Hi Kurt, It's me,” Rachel replied. Kurt stopped for a second.  
  
“Oh… Hey Rachel… Where's Finn?” He asked, his demeanor visibly changing from relieved to kind of sad.  
  
“He’s sitting across from me,” she noted. “He’s in some kind of mood, I don't know,” She shrugged. “Did you need something?” She asked.  
  
“Yes, I need something rather important actually,” he started. “Put me on speaker,” he instructed. Rachel touched the speaker button.  
  
“Done,” she replied. Kurt cleared his throat.  
  
“I need Finn Hudson to answer his freaking phone and not ignore me for four entire months please,” he said loudly. Finn sighed and rubbed his face before taking his phone from Rachel and putting it to his ear.  
  
“Hey, what's up?” He greeted him, but his heart wasn't in it. Kurt stopped for a moment, there was something so wrong. This didn’t sound like Finn. Finn sounded like the knock on the door when an old friend surprising you with a visit, he sounded like pulling into the driveway after a long day. He sounded like home. He didn't sound like this.  
  
“Not much, I've been busy with work,”  he replied.

“Don't lie to me, Puck told me you lost your job.” He replied very firmly. “I've been trying to get a hold of you for almost four months.” He sighed. “You should come down and visit, I'll get you a train ticket,” he suggested hopefully.

“Sure,” he replied dully, forcing a smile. “I’ll be home for Christmas,”  He promised. “Hey, I’m going to go,” Finn told him, already feeling drained from the conversation.

“Good, I’ll book the ticket when we get back from seeing the baby,” Kurt noted, finishing cooking the eggs he was making and sliding them onto two plates.

“Thanks, man,” he closed his eyes tightly and mouthed ‘fuck’ before he hung up the phone.

“So we are going home for Christmas?” Rachel asked.

“I guess so,” he replied. “I’m tired, I'm going to go to bed,” he told her, dumping the remaining half of his salad into the trash and disappeared into his bedroom.

* * *

As soon as the call ended Kurt left his brunch uneaten and made his way into his bedroom, sitting up on the bed under the covers and dialed Quinn. Puck answered, having forgotten he had her phone.

“Hello,” Puck said, cramming half of a sandwich into his mouth.

“Hey, Puck. Is Quinn there?” he asked.

“Yeah, she's next to me, feeding Markus with her boobs.”

“ _Puck_ ,” Kurt could hear her say in the background. She didn't sound amused  in the slightest. Kurt almost laughed at Puck’s crudeness, but didn't.

“Can I talk to her?” he asked. Quinn asked Puck who he was talking to. He let her know she was talking to Kurt before answering.

“Is it something I can help you with?” he asked, wiping mustard off his face with his shirt.

“Not really, sorry.” Kurt told him, he didn't feel comfortable talking to Puck about this kind of thing, not that he was any closer to Quinn, but he didn't think Puck was a great choice. Reluctantly Puck gave the phone to his wife.

“What couldn't wait another half hour?” she asked, annoyed as Markus continued to eat.

“Sorry, but this is important,” he replied, then hesitated. “I wanted to ask… if Finn seemed different,” he started, “When he was visiting,” he finished, not entirely sure he wanted to ear an answer.

“I was going to talk to you about it when you got here,” She noted then Markus started to cry. “We'll talk when you get here,” She promised before hanging up the phone.

* * *

A few weeks before the holiday Kurt headed into the bedroom where Blaine sat in bed, reading some magazine Kurt didn't look at the title of.

“So I just got off the phone with the bank,” Kurt leaned against the drawer frame.

“What did they say?” Blaine didn't look up from his reading, but Kurt didn't mind.

“Finn just wired three hundred dollars into my account,” He crossed his arms, annoyance rising, he used it to drown out the concern.

“That's… Generous?” Blaine set the magazine down to glance up at his boyfriend. His eyebrows raised in confusion as he tried to figure out why Finn would do that.

“That's how much the plane ticket I bought him cost. He's not coming home for the holidays,” Kurt threw his arms up. “I just don't understand what's going on with him. He has _never_ acted like this before. Something is _wrong_.”

Blaine shook his head.

“Look, Finn is probably just having another funk. He had that whole ‘peaked in high school’ breakdown more than once.” Blaine folded his fingers together and put them behind his head in a leisurely manor.

“I lived with him for three years, I've shared a room with him for one. I know that funk and this isn’t that. Something is really _wrong_ ,” Kurt moved across the room to sit on the bed. “Blaine, I just feel it. Something’s wrong.”

“I'm sorry. I know you're worried about him,” Blaine moved down the bed to pull Kurt into a hug.

“I just don't know what to do. He’s an adult, I can't make him do anything. I can only try, and we both know how stubborn he is,” replied Blaine.

* * *

It was a particularly dreary winter night when Rachel finally put her foot down

"What the hell is going on, Finn?" She demanded. "God dammit talk to me! You're sulking around here, won't look me in the eyes. Did you cheat on me or something? If you cheated on me, we can talk about it," She insisted. "But I cannot take this anymore, Finn. I cannot take this stress," She nearly exploded.

Finn took a deep breath. "I didn’t cheat on you. I don't know," he admitted. "I just... I need some space for awhile, I didn't know how to tell you that. Okay? I'm sorry I need to think," he pulled a jacket on before heading towards the door, grabbing his car keys. "I'm sorry," he apologised again, stopping to hug her and kiss her cheek. "I love you... I just have a lot of things on my mind right now," he whispered.

"Finn, sit down and we'll talk about this. Tell me what's going on. This is ridiculous you can't just run away from me! We’re adults." she said, Finn felt his chest tighten up and he closed his eyes and the more Rachel pleaded with him, the worse the feeling got and his vision started to blur slightly around the edges. He didn't know what was happening but he went to the sink and proceeded to vomit into it. He wiped his face and Rachel tried to comfort him as he threw up, rubbing his back gently as he heaved into the sink. After a moment, and a few more dry heaves he pulled away from the sink and Rachel.

"I'm sorry, I just... I have to go, okay? I'll be back I just..." He started and disappeared out the door.

Rachel called Carole’s cell as soon as he was gone.

"Hey, Rach, how are you?" She asked. It was a bit late for a phone call but that wasn't out of the ordinary for Rachel.

"I'm fine," she responded quickly. "but something up with Finn."

Carole rubbed her eyes, it was about eight Lima time and she was just getting ready for bed to bed to get up early for a trip with Burt.

"Did you two break up again?" She asked tiredly.

"I don't know, he just puked and ran out. I think he might show up by you and Burt," she noted. "The more I tried to go after him the worse the attack got so I just... Let him… Please let me know if he gets there so I know He’s safe," She explained.

"Okay, honey, thank you, Burt!" She called, her phone away from her face.

“Yeah?” Burt asked, coming in from their master bathroom. “Finn is probably on his way over here,”

Finn was set on driving through the night. At around one he pulled out his phone and dialed the first number he could think of which happened to be Kurt's back in Lima, he and Blaine had found themselves a house they had decided to take it slow after getting back together and hadn't really started discussing marriage like they had before. They often did shows at the Lima Theatre.

It brought in a larger revenue than it had before. Lima was a sort of a different town since The New Directions. Especially now that McKinley specialised in the arts. Finn tapped his foot near the break anxiously as he hoped Kurt would answer.

Back in Lima Kurt shot up in the full bed in the extra bedroom, he and Blaine had been fighting a lot more lately, so because Brittany and Santana were always out of town, who split rent with them, like now, he slept in their bed if he had to. He fumbled for his phone which loudly played the original Superman theme whenever Finn called.

He hadn't heard that ringtone in months. He'd gotten one or two vague texts but nothing like how they usually talked. Full conversations about anything at all at least once a week had turned into a ‘hey how are you?’ with a three day waiting period before ‘fine’. Finn would lay in bed, reading those words ‘how are you?’ ‘Are you okay?’ and “We’re all worried,” he would stare at them a dozen times before finally mustering up simple, unconvincing responses.

Kurt grabbed the phone quickly and answered it.

"Finn?" He mumbled sleepily. Finn felt a tiny bit of relief when Kurt answered.

"Hey Kurt, is Blaine with you?" he said, feeling a lump in his throat. Kurt instantly noticed something different about his voice. It didn't sound like Finn. This voice was dull, something tugged at Kurt’s heart when he thought about how different this greeting was from his usual excited ‘How’s it going, bud?’

"Hey... Yeah... He's in the other room. I gotta be kinda quiet. What's wrong? You sound like you're crying, what's going on?" His hand felt its way through the dark to turn on the lamp on his bedside table.

"I feel like I can't breathe and my chest is tight, and my vision is kinda blurry sometimes  I puked everywhere and I feel like I'm going to die… but I'm sure it will pass," he rambled, laughing a bit he was always honest with Kurt.

"Finn that sounds like a panic attack, just take a minute and calm down, I can try to talk you through this and I'll be out on a plane to New York tomorrow," he noted.

"That's fine... I'm on my way over, I'll be there in a few hours," Finn told him.

"Oh no, you're not. Finn Hudson you pull that car over, you're not driving right now, Blaine's in the next room and I don't want to wake him by shouting at you," he said seriously.

"It's fine, Kurt I should be crossing into Ohio in about two hours," he noted, gauging from how long he'd already been driving. “Can I come by?" He asked after a moment, actually afraid Kurt might turn him away.

"You're always welcome here Finn, Santana Brit are on tour with Mercedes, you know, the last one before her maternity leave from the spotlight, so they won't give you any trouble," he noted. Finn nodded and hung up the phone, struggling to focus on the road.

Kurt frowned a little and got up, waking Blaine.

"You couldn't stay away could you?" He teased sleepily and kissed Kurt's cheek.

"Finn just called. He's driving here from New York, he said he'll be here in a few hours," Kurt went on. "I'm worried about him, he seemed set on coming here." he explained. Blaine sat up and rubbed his face.

"I'm sure he and Rachel just had another fight," Blaine tried to assure him. "We'll take good care of him.” he noted, wrapping an arm around Kurt who was extremely worried about Finn.  

Finn arrived at around three in the morning Lima time as they were an hour behind New York. He pulled up to the house and knocked on the door. Kurt got the door and Finn hugged him tightly, slouching down to press his face into his shoulder.

"I missed you, brother," he said, more out of habit than genuine brotherly feelings, Finn had easily accepted Kurt as family, but being brothers had always felt strange to him.

He had missed Kurt though, and Blaine. He'd missed everyone, trapped out in New York with Rachel wasn't exactly as great as he tried to convince himself it was, so he isolated himself from his friends, hoping they wouldn't realise how truly unhappy he really was there.

Rachel was controlling, that had always been obvious, but she also had a way of... Locking Finn up in a way. Finn had just trained himself to act a certain way around her, to avoid judgment and complaints.

He rarely ate when she was in the house, unless they were sharing a meal together, so she couldn't comment on his diet when he diverged from their meal plans, he rarely shared his opinions, feeling like they'd be shot down. He didn't fight it like he used to. It just… got to him.

He just, wasn't himself anymore, and it got worse as the years went by. It had started getting to him once the significant other complaints started. 'Oh so and so's boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/whatever just did this, can you imagine? I'd die if you did anything like that, I'm lucky I've got a great boyfriend' Finn had identified with a lot of those things, which he thought maybe Rachel knew, to try to say 'stop doing this' in a manipulative way which she often referred to as 'suggestions'.

Kurt hugged him back, a bit caught off guard. "I missed you too Finn, I've been worried about you, we all have," he admitted.

Finn felt most comfortable around Kurt at the end of the day and Blaine too, even if he and Blaine had a but of a strained relationship in high school. Because he knew they wouldn't judge him without reason and if they did, well they knew how to say it better than Rachel. They were very different in how they presented things and Finn would gladly take 'Finn, that doesn't really match, try this shirt instead if that one' or even a playful 'I'm not letting you leave the house in that it's so fall!' over Rachel's 'oh my god Finn no you're not wearing that go change now, please don't embarrass me' any day.

"What's going on?" He asked but Finn just kind of shrugged. He didn't want to explain, he didn't want to talk about it yet. Or ever maybe, was that an option? Probably not with Kurt.

"I can't come visit old friends?" he asked with a forced smile, before Kurt could argue that it was the middle of the night. "Where's Blaine I didn't wake him up did I?" He asked.

"What about me?"' Blaine replied smiling a little as he came into the room just as Kurt shut the door to keep the winter air out. "Kurt said you’re having a rough night. You should probably lay down," he noted. Finn nodded and let Kurt lead him to the extra bedroom where he laid down.

"I think I have some ginger ale for your stomach," Kurt said and left the room to get it while Finn stepped out of his shoes and laid down on the bed, noticing it was warm, he wondered if Kurt and Blaine were fighting again, and felt bad that he might have come during a bad time.

He drank the ginger ale when Kurt brought it to him

“I'm sorry for making you worry,” he noted and when Kurt sat down on the side of the bed he pushed Finn's hair back a little, it was much shorter than last time Kurt had seen.

"That's fine, I'll be here… what happened to your hair?" He asked, noticing it was rather short.

“Rachel thought the faux hawk make me look like I was trying to  be young,” he explained.

“We are young, Finn,” he said but Finn was asleep.

Kurt frowned a little and touched Finn's hair lightly again before heading back to Blaine.

"He's really... Miserable, isn't he?" Blaine noted, leaning against the door frame “I've never seen him like this.”

"Me either," Kurt replied, feeling a bit shaken, and was visibly concerned. Blaine reached out to his boyfriend, kissing his cheek and patting his arm.

"He'll be alright, he has us. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you."

Kurt merely nodded in response and they went to bed.


End file.
